One to grow on — a look back at 2018

“Turn your head! Yes, your entire head! Do not trust your mirrors! Always look behind you before you move over!” I’ve said these words a thousand times this year as we’ve worked to grow our oldest teenager into a driver. This is no easy task here on our busy suburban roads. And one of the most challenging parts has been teaching him how to change lanes. It is a strange thing to keep moving forward while also looking backward. But it is a skill all drivers must master. So I keep reminding him, “Move your head and look with your eyes! Make sure you know what’s back there!” Once you get a good look, then you can go.

And as we stand on the cusp of this brand new year, I find I need a little of my own advice. Eager to switch lanes and gears, my foot lands heavy on the gas and I feel the acceleration of it all. But.

Switching lanes without looking back is dangerous. And running ahead into this new year without looking over my shoulder for a quick minute is also a recipe for disaster.

And you know this too. You know that looking at where you’ve been can help prepare you for where you are going. It can help you see what you miss when your eyes are only focused on the road ahead.

So I know you have a lot to do. But let’s put on the brakes for just a minute. Let’s turn our heads and look back at this year before we move ahead into what’s next.

What did 2018 hold for you? Where did it take you? What did you learn? What filled you up? And what broke your heart a bit?

My own answers to these questions startle me. Maybe because this year began with a word I didn’t understand. Grow. “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18).

That was the word and the verse I chose for 2018. Or rather, God chose them for me. Weird. I know. But for the past few years, I have been asking God to help direct me through the year with a word and a verse. It’s a thing started by smart people who love words and I found myself intrigued. It’s not a magic trick or a mind game. But rather a filter through which you come to view the events of your year.

But at the beginning of 2018, I had no idea what God wanted with me and this word. Grow? I have a brown thumb. Growing things is not my gift.

Grow? How? What?

And to be honest as the year came at me, I did not always get what God was doing. I would forget this word for weeks. I would pray and hear no answer. I would stare into the blackness of the early morning and wonder if maybe I was walking through these days all alone.

But now on the other side of these 365 days, I find a backward glance takes my breath away. This year God grew me in spite of myself.  In spite of all the questions, I threw at him. What do you want Lord? Which way do you want me to go? Do I say yes or no? Do I go or do I stay?

I want you to grow. Grow in the grace and knowledge of me. And with those words, God walked me through a year of new things and new places. Even though I had no idea what I was doing.

Places like the passenger side of my own car as this manchild of mine took the wheel and I learned to be okay with this new phase of growth.

God pushed me through challenges, as I took on new writing projects; learned updated technology, and grew the way I reach people with my words. And most of the time? I was in way over my head.

But, the more I said yes. The more I began to see God at work in the actual moments of my day. In the hard parts like the illness of a loved one and the stressful schedules. And in the delightful surprises like a friend’s hair-brained idea that became a cross-country driving trip I’ll treasure forever.

God knows what needs to be grown in my life and he is faithful to do it … if I will let him.

And then in August, my friend Chris Owenby, an incredibly talented musician and a composer called and asked me to work with him on a project writing lyrics and narrations for a large Holy Week piece he was composing.

“You’ll be great at it,” he said. What? I have NO IDEA how to do this. I don’t write poetry. I use too many words to write an Instagram post. A song? Who wants to sing a thousand words?

Grow, God whispered as I listened to Chris explain the project. And then I said yes. I said yes having no idea what I was doing.

As we started, it looked a lot like this on my end:

And now all these months later, one of the songs we wrote sounds like this. Click the title below to listen. That’s my friend Chris singing.

Ordinary Becomes Divine

My words and his music and this art mirrors life. Only at the completion of the project am I able to see what God was growing.

I watch the movie reel of the year unfurl in my mind, and I hear the voice of my Savior narrating over all the stops and starts. “Go on. Grow.” Or as Eugene Peterson puts it in his book about King David, “Lengthen your stride and enlarge your embrace.”

Hand over your fear, your piles of paper, your scattered words, your belief that you might not know what to do and watch God make music out of it.

Montana beauty and hours of conversation, thousands of words and a melody that amazes me are some of the gifts lining the roads of this year. And I realize I am standing on the other side with a longer stride and a larger embrace. God grew something beautiful in my year and in my need to know how to do everything, I nearly missed it.

So, as we hit the gas down the road into another 365 days, my prayer for all of us in 2019 is that God would give us one to grow on. And as we step into new places or even back into the same places that we would trust The One who calls us is faithful and he will do it. 

Happy New Year, friends. Here’s to the road ahead.

** A little more info about the Holy Week piece Chris and I are working on. Master Savior Jesus is another song we wrote together. The Artful Composer is Chris’ website where you can find more of his amazing work as well as some videos of his composing process. The work is commissioned by Bethel Presbyterian Church in NC and will be performed on Holy Thursday in April of 2019.