Running up hills

It’s a circle; four miles of hills and valleys that winds its way around the familiar streets of my neighborhood. When I need to exercise, all I have to do is lace up my shoes and go. I don’t even really need to open my eyes because, after thirteen years of pounding the pavement on these sidewalks, I know every crack and uneven patch on whole the loop. I could walk it blindfolded. But. I’m seriously uncoordinated; so I haven’t tried that.

The hills on this path are killer, though. If you follow along here on the blog, you may remember that back in the winter I was having issues with my knee. You can read about it here if you missed it. I went to PT, met some pretty awesome people, did my exercises and worked hard to try and get my old knee working again.

Now, I am by no means an athlete. My brain just doesn’t work right if I don’t move; so somehow I fell in love with jogging. But here it is summer time, and running is still not a thing I can do without my knee swelling up to the size of a watermelon.  Especially if I try to go uphill.

This has left me staring down these hills every morning and lamenting the fact that my knee starts to buckle when I lean forward into the slant of the road.  The weight of failing to do what I set out to do settles hard upon my shoulders. I hate being unable.

And no matter your athletic ability, you probably know this feeling, too. It has little to do with how fast you can run. It’s this fog that sets in when you have a goal, a vision, a dream … or a hill … looming out in front of you and you just can’t wrangle it into submission. It sparkles out in the distant early morning sun and seems to beckon you onward.  But you can’t.

Maybe it’s a job you want, a job you have, a difficult kid, a challenging season or a troubled relationship.

The hills might look different for all of us, but the climb is the same. It is hard. And it can knock the wind right out of you.

I’m pushing my feet around the path again the other morning and chastising myself for not succeeding when this verse slams right through my brain.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint” (Isaiah 40:30-31). Ummm. No. This isn’t at all how I feel. I feel weary. I feel tired of doing same things and not seeing success. And it actually has less to do with these hills than I think.

From parenting my kids to writing on this blog, I tend to feel the pleasure of God only when the work is easy. When the days get hard or take forever or yield little fruit, I hang my head and assume God is no longer with me.

But then, I remember the beginning lines of that verse.

“Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:30).

Everyone gets tired. Our own strength isn’t meant to sustain us. And maybe reaching the place where we run all out is the point? This belief that God only blesses and uses my successes might be my actual stumbling block.

Will I say that I am blessed and God is with me only when things work and I achieve my goals?

But what if that’s not it? What if the blessing is in the struggle? And what if I miss it by always looking for perfection?

No. I cannot run up that hill.

But.

I can walk up that hill. I have learned how to consistently remind myself to turn my foot in and this has rebuilt the muscle on the side of my leg that did not work right this winter.

And, do you know how I have done this? SLOWLY.  By doing small things that seem to have no point over and over and over again.

I often forget that God’s idea of success is different from ours. In his economy, the way up is down, the meek inherit the earth, the weak become strong and soaring on wings like eagles? Well, it just might look like walking slowly up a hill each day training my eyes to focus only on him.

So, maybe all is well with you in these early days of summer; no signs of struggle on the horizon. If so, may you breathe easy and feel the presence of your Savior with you as you walk in that peace.

But if these lengthening days find you facing an uphill climb or stuck in a battle you can’t seem to win, here’s a little reminder. Lift your eyes to hills and know that your help does indeed come from the Lord; the Maker of heaven and earth. Put your hope in him, find your strength in him.  And keep walking. He’s rebuilding your climbing muscles. One step at a time.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:30).