So, how are you doing?

This sign made me cry yesterday. The skies were deliriously blue, the sun was shining and the park was closed? The silence was deafening. “Just relax. Everything is all going to be alright,” a friend’s text pops up on my phone and tears blur again in the edges of the sunshine. And when, in the middle of a work project, I am simultaneously asked how to find the volume of a rectangular prism and solve a molecular fraction, I slam into the reality that I am at the end of myself. These are the strangest of days. And I am fighting hard to pretend like I am fine. What about you? How are you doing?

I make the kids watch Groundhog Day because I keep referencing it, and their blank stares annoy me. They think the characters dress funny and have weird hair. I swear that movie was made just the other day? But now at least they nod when I claim to feel like we are living a weird version of that movie. We say the date out loud at breakfast just to make sure. Today is Friday, March the 27th, right? They roll their eyes, but I need this reminder to keep my feet grounded in place. It feels no different than Monday.

Our normal has been yanked out from under us the way a magician rips a table cloth from beneath unmoved place settings. And try as I might, I can’t get that cloth back under all the dishes without knocking everything over.

But, maybe that’s not even the point.

What about you? How are your days going? Honestly. We are all handling this historic time differently. And that’s okay. An invisible virus has closed the world and left us huddled in our houses. There is no precedent for how this is supposed to be done. Introverts are rejoicing and extroverts going slightly insane, but none of us know what comes next. And as I stumble through the living of these days, fighting back tears at the strangest of times, there are these questions that will not leave my head.

Lord, what would you have us do? How can we be faithful in the middle of this?

The perfectionist in me stares into the early morning darkness longing to get it right. The Lord and I have long done battle over my need to be the best at doing what’s right. Maybe that would end all of this, though? If we as a people could collectively be good and do good, then maybe it would be over, and the days would fall back into their correct places.

But hasn’t that been our struggle since the beginning of time? The quest for enough goodness is relentless.

Honestly, I am anxious for everything and unable to settle. As if some of this were up to me? I hold tightly to the shifting parts of life willing the normal to return. But nothing is working.

“For in him [Christ] all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things and in him, all things hold together.”

This verse runs through my mind on repeat as I try to concentrate on another 5th-grade math problem and explain to the oldest why he cannot have a friend over. I hold the frustration and the uncertainty that radiates from these boys.

Lord, what are we supposed to do? I want a game plan, a strategy, a length of time, and an end result.

The verse comes back. “He [Christ] is before all things and in him, all things hold together”.

Only, as I step away from it all for a moment, I hear the Spirit lay it on my heart like this. Hey, Leigh? Holding this all together is not your job. I’ve got this. All of it. I promise. It’s all mine and I’ve got it. Let. Go. Let me be the holder of all the things. You just hold on to me.

“Just relax. Everything is going to be alright.”

Or maybe it isn’t. But there is a truth I keep forgetting.

Even in this pandemic, even in this world where it feels like a virus can hold us hostage, the Lord of heaven and earth is still holding us. Even in this. Christ is before all things and in him all things hold together.

So I don’t know where today finds you. But I’m pretty sure it isn’t where you expected to be. And maybe this time of “sheltering in place” is not so complicated for you. Maybe you can relax and trust in what you cannot see. Or maybe you are like me and surrendering control is harder than chemistry and waiting on an invisible end saps your soul of its ability to be still. It’s okay. None of us has ever done this before.

And the truth is. I don’t know what we are supposed to do. I don’t know what God is calling us to learn or how he is moving in all of this. I do know this, though. When I cling tightly to the things of this world, they often end up holding on to me. So maybe this time is about learning how to let go.

Yesterday, I watched the sun as it slipped behind the old Georgia pines; last bits of daylight streaking the sky as darkness fell gently on our cul de sac. My empty hands hung at my side, and it felt awkward to be still like that. But I am not in charge of sunsets.

“For in him [Jesus] all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things and in him, all things hold together.“

Friends, no matter where you are and no matter how you are handling these strange days, hear this. You are not alone. And you are not meant to be the holder of all the things. God is. Holding things together is what he does. Even in this, he is as close as our next breath. He is the creator of all things in heaven and on earth, and we are meant to be holders of him. That is what he wants us to do. Find ways to hold on to him.

And just in case you forgot. Today is Friday, March 27th. Hold on tight. We are going to be okay.

“The Lord is my strength and refuge, a very present help in times of trouble”