The stories we tell and what I don’t know about the Enneagram

The Enneagram. Ever heard of it? It’s ok if you haven’t. And if you have, you are either shaking your head or clapping your hands. People tend to love this description of human psyche and personality or they hate it. And I know just enough about it to be dangerous.

A friend and I have recently become interested in The Enneagram;  this in-depth personality assessment system which assigns you a number based on how you interact and relate to people and the world around you.We find it very interesting and though we don’t understand it completely, we have read enough to learn our own numbers and are continuing to figure out what they mean.

So true to our personality types, we recently decided to help all of our close friends become the best versions of themselves and learn their own numbers.  In reality, these discussions only ended up leading to our husbands continuously insisting that they are 10’s. Which of course they are. (The Enneagram test only uses numbers 1-9. We had trouble getting this through to them.)

What we learned is that no one really likes to be labeled by a number they don’t understand. Unless, of course, it is the best number. And that is not how the Enneagram is intended to work anyway. We may need to retire as experts.

Ian Cron is an actual  Enneagram expert and has written a lot of excellent information about how this powerful tool can be used to know ourselves and others. I am fascinated by it because there is nothing I Iove more than relationships and people.

I began to notice something, though, as we discussed personality types with our friends. I began to pay closer attention to their stories. And I loved that even more than trying to figure out everyone’s number. Probably because it did not involve math.

You see, the way we tell our stories is as revealing and unique to each one of us as any number that the Enneagram may assign us. Just think for a minute about someone you love and a story he/she recently told you. If you picture the person telling the story it reminds you of how he/she is wired, right? Wordy, quiet, self-deprecating, funny, serious, detail-oriented. Their stories help you learn to see them, don’t they?

And that’s why God designed us to tell them. From In the beginning in Genesis to Amen in Revelation, the Bible is a story that reveals the heart of a God who loves to hear his people talk.

It is a story that came to life in the form of a baby in a manger. The Word made flesh. That baby grew to be a man who traveled around, loved people, healed people, told stories and listened to stories.

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

Jesus listened to the stories of rich men, tax collectors, sick women, blind beggars and dear friends. You see, he knew that in the listening and in the telling of stories relationships would be built and the kingdom would grow. Jesus knew that their stories were the building blocks of their hearts. So he listened, he spoke, and he lived out the greatest love story ever told.

Watching and listening to my friends talk, hearing the cadence of their voices, the stories from their lives unfolding in bits and pieces, in laughter and heartbreak always overwhelms me with gratitude for a God who knows the value of our stories.

For two years, I have been filling this little corner of the internet with my own stories. It helps me see Jesus more clearly when I write it all down. And I want to help you see him too. Right there where you are today. It’s why I keep doing it.

Because no matter how we interact with the world around us or whether the Enneagram labels us a Four, a Seven or a Three, we all have one basic need: the need to be connected; to be seen and to be known.

I see it in the stranger I meet at the park. She laughs at a silly t-shirt I am wearing and tells me the story of her daughter. They didn’t think she could have a baby, but now she is. A boy. My shirt declares that I am a boymom, too. She wants to know what it is like. Our stories weave and thread themselves together. Goodness, hope, and new life all mingling with a little chaos.

We are a people who need to tell our stories. A people who need to listen to each other’s stories no matter how different they may be from our own. We need to learn how to get around to looking at things through someone else’s eyes.

And when God sends us fellow travelers to walk our stories with us, we need to see him at work; to know that it is our Father in heaven,  bending down and entering into our actual places … with a story.As Eugene Peterson quotes in his book Leap Over a Wall “May we see Christ for Christ plays in ten thousand places/lovely in limbs and lovely in eyes not his to the Father through the features of all men’s faces” (Hopkins).

The Word made flesh; among us; in our stories. It’s what I think of when I read about the Enneagram. Christ is at work in all of us whether we are a Two, a Nine, a Three or a Five. He’s just using us for different purposes.

So here’s to the stories; the ones we tell, the ones we listen to and the ones we live. May we begin to see Christ at work in them all.

And yes,  here’s to the 10’s. They really are the best.  Especially if you are married to one.